Do you know that moment when you woke and have been in bed all along? You wish you can have your cake and eat it, you wish you can have your breakfast in bed. You feel the tinge of hunger in your stomach, you turn right and continue twittering. Sorry, tweeting. Well, not everyone on Twitter at every moment tweet, some just twitter. So, we can as well say they are twittering.
You feel the second tinge, you roll back to the left side of the bed. It’s got more serious, you decide to use the menstrual pain therapy, “I’ll just lay on my stomach, I’m not really hungry”. On and on like that, you remain in bed hungry, wishing your fairy tale lover would bring you breakfast in bed. Oops! You’re single! You just broke up with your broke lover. You thought, “we can’t be broke together”. However, when your friends asked you, you told them, “he cheated on me! He cheated on me! He slept with my ex’s ex’s ex’s girlfriend! How could he?” and they blamed, cursed the guy and sobbed with you.
Now, you’re in bed, lazy and hungry, wishing you hadn’t broken up. He was at least useful in bringing a cup of coffee and toast to you in bed on days your mood played hibernation mode and you weren’t the annoying girlfriend.
1. Bread, butter and coffee:
While on Twitter or wherever you are on your phone, place a call to your sibling/friend. Tell them you’re sick in bed, they should get you some drugs and they should try to get you bread and butter cause you don’t have appetite for anything else but you know you have to eat before you take the drugs. Don’t bother talking about the coffee, they automatically know that you need that. Just remove the duvet some minutes before they arrive so as to get your feet very cold. When they arrive, grab your coffee and sip it.
2. Rice and Chicken:
If you think your sibling isn’t going to answer you, call your mom that is in the land so faraway. Tell her you’re sick. She cares a lot, wouldn’t hesitate checking up on you but because of the distance, you tell her not to worry that you’ll be fine but would have loved to get some help. She remembers you have a sibling staying nearby, she calls that one and tells him or her to bring you chicken soup for the soul along with some drugs. For this one, you have to be sick. So, multiply the duvet, cover yourself and make sure you’re sweating the hell out before your sibling arrives. This method is a quite long one therefore, make the call as early as possible. Maybe 5am so your mom knows you’re serious and your food gets to be with you by 8am.
3. Whatever you want in bed:
You remember that guy on your street that is hitting on you? Not the one you’re hitting on. He has to be the one hitting on you for this to work. They can do anything for a babe at that point. Good! Call him very early in the morning. When he picks, mention any random name that is not his name, “Hey Wale…” if he bears Tony. He has your contact so he knows you’re the one speaking. He corrects you and you explain yourself. Tell him how you’re sick and you’ve tried other contacts all to no avail except his own. You know how to finish that up right? Smart girl🖒.
For the guys, peradventure you have a girl hitting on you too, you can give it a try.
4. Place an order:
Folks now do deliveries for virtually any kind of food and you can make your order. There are restaurants that do breakfast deliveries in Nigeria and I know that Jumia has a good number of them. So, just keep punching those tabs on your phone till you get to the order button and hurrah! Your breakfast will get to you.
5. If you’re broke like me and you’re all on your own, you will have to get up, scratch your head, pull your pajamas together and walk into your kitchen to search for what to eat. And, you can make something nice out of the kitchen.